Some of these are humorous, some serious; all of them are genuine reasons why people are not Calvinists.
2. Because they hate the notion that they are not “free”. [End note 1]
3. Because God is thought to be so loving he could never have actually hated Esau.
4. Because they lack an education in the fundamentals of logic and can’t find a good logic teacher to their liking because they’re all Calvinists. (Quite the cyclical problem)
5. Because our culture has been infested with philosophies of autonomy on many fronts. When a voice is heard crying in the wilderness saying the notion of free-will is anti-Christ, the Fundamentalist and the Satanist find common ground.
6. Because theology is ignored for devotionals.
7. Because Scripture verses intended for the church are wrongly applied to all men universally. When one points this out, the rebuttal is usually no more than a sigh.
8. Because they are unwilling to accept many of the ramifications of the doctrine. (God is the ultimate cause of all things including evil, reprobation is not according to works, and they only won in Monopoly because God ordained it, or worst yet, they lost because God ordained it. And that’s not fair.)
9. Because it would be horrible for God to predestine someone to hell without “giving them a chance.” [End note 2]
10. Because they like to believe when they pray, they are actually changing God’s mind on a matter. The purpose of prayer for some is to remind God of things he may have forgotten and to change God’s mind about things we don’t like.
11. Because Calvinists are a minority. (I’ve even heard an “independent fundamental King James only Anabaptist” say this. There’s a tad bit of irony there if you can detect it)
12. Because “Calvin burned Servetus.” And a Red Herring is just a fish.
13. Because the Calvinist Jesus violated the most imperative playground rule by not being “fair” in offering Himself for everybody.
14. Because a God that refuses to be “fair” needs revision. We need a loving, sharing God who gets sad when we don’t share back. (I’ll be fair: for Fundamentalists’ God gets more mad than sad)
15. Because they really don’t get it. (See 4)
16. Because they cannot see how man can be responsible before God without free-will. That God ordained both their fall and their responsibility baffles them.
17. Because their great, great Granddad was Charles Finny.
18. Because it’s easier to simply schedule the Holy Spirit to come on some fine spring day for a revival than wait for Him.
19. Because they like saying they are a “zero-point Calvinist” so much they’ll never give it up.
20. Because Calvinists contracted with the Devil. (True story)
21. Because they evade with all diligence the thought that God can do something without their consent. (Like regenerate someone)
22. Because some Calvinists are rude and the Bible tells us not to have fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness. (They say this with a straight face)
23. Because the doctrine of divine election is not fair. (Yes, I know I’ve mentioned this multiple times in more than a few ways, but that is the structure of their argument. See 4.)
24. Because replying “Oh, I’m just a Christian” or “I’m a Bible-believer” sounds more pious.
25. Because if God was truly in control of everything the world would be X. (Whatever the individual making the argument thinks it should be) [End note 3]
26. Because they’re too witty and clever to ever be controlled by God. [End note 4, again]
27. (Because we know someone will say it anyway) God did not predestinate them to believe in Calvinism.
 Freedom, in reality, is obedience to God’s law. This only comes from the working of God in the sinner contrary to the man’s nature.
 i.e., it’s not fair. Yet reprobation, like salvation, is not according to works.
 They all think the world should be the way they perceive it ought to be and not the way God has it. After all, their world would be a fair world.
 Have you ever been debating Calvinism with someone when they do something spontaneous like slam on the breaks without cause, or possibly slap you, as they turn to you and say “Did God cause me to do that!?” Before I was converted I thought it was clever. After, I thought it was annoying. In retrospect, it’s so funny to me I could laugh my lunch up. After all the previous discourse they expect us to concede on that something like that? Astounding!
– Ben Murch